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PART 2: Birthdays Are For Ladies and Maybe Short Men

Who gets rejected and elated simultaneously on his birthday? That can only be a loser who doesn’t give a shilling about the basic rules of charm. That loser is me. I finally understood what it feels to be a Man U fan.

 So for the past 22 years, I have successfully satisfied the inclination of men, both dead and alive, by observing a 24-hour silence during my birthday. This kind of consistency surprises even myself. Like how can a man be so boring, he let 100% of his birthdays pass without him even knowing. I hear it is a sign of maturity. In other words, the line between maturity and poverty is very thin. I can’t afford my life. Sadly.

Well, it is okay not to celebrate your birthday. But when you do, don’t you think it should be illegal for one to get turned down. This should be a greater national crisis than BBI.

I wanted, had planned actually, to host a kasmall thing, so that I can finally look/seem normal. And just like government plans and projects, misuse of funds through corruption and improper planning stalled my birthday project. So instead of having what normal people call a party, I decided to, you know, spend my time with the person I love most. And it kinda makes me gay!  So I, a man, spent time with me, also a man.

It is one thing to be tall but is another to be tall and loud. Actually, it is a travesty. I am the latter plus a mountain of ego and an ocean of unfulfilled wishes. 23 years + 1 day old, I was taking a walk towards Nyayo stadium. Maybe the biggest mistake I made along the way, is too much self-gratification thoughts in my head. I kept thinking of how I am a morally better human being than Paul was at my age. He was a murderer around my age, and for me I can’t even dress to kill.

Then there is this family of King David and King Solomon. David slept with someone’s wife Bathsheba (after killing the husband of course) and gave birth to Solomon who in turn slept with everybody. For me there is only one married woman right now I am willing and ready to sleep with and that is my wife. And I thought that made me a better human being.

Not until I verified the famous assertation that there are girls so beautiful, hadi unatoa earphones ndo uwaone vizuri. I present to you Eritrean girls, Ladies and gentlemen. They are so lovely King David will do it again and Solomon will marry them all. Physically they have eaten, but just enough. Their faces held me a prisoner while their heads carried tangled beauty of curls that it was impossible to keep my eyes away. I screenshotted each one of the angels with my powerful eyes. One took my breath away or should I say my nose because I poked it in her business.

First shot, hit the target. She smiled. After all, promising to support the very poor Eritrean basketball team and idiotically waving their flags should be a nice start. Well done Lukaku. And you know Lukaku. At some point, he either steps on the ball and falls or shoots well over the roofs of the stadium. Mine was worse. Unfortunately, I am not granting any of you the satisfaction to rejoice in my moment of affliction. It wouldn’t change my annual message and the obvious fact that Birthdays were not designed for tall men.

However, I thank God for the gift of good health in every birthday I have ever had. After recently learning the cost of ill health (both financial, psychological and time cost) this is the best thing I can ask from Him every second of my life. “What if You Woke Up Tomorrow Only to What You Thanked God for Today?” Every moment I think about this question asked by Max Lucado, I get chills.

This year is all about my people who have been good to the world and winning wars nobody knows about.

6 Responses
  • Maureen Naini
    February 12, 2020

    It’s funny, insightful and mind-blowing. I love it. Keep up the good work.

  • Ednah Samba
    February 13, 2020

    Lovely write up BT. You sure have good sense of humor as well. Haha. Behind you with cheers. My support.

  • Addi
    March 6, 2020

    Very interesting piece of art??????? God bless you more.

  • Chess Estelle
    March 25, 2020

    Interesting life I must say and you are only 23, wait till you join us 40 year olds?. Birthdays are indeed for us ladies and just maybe short men. All articles bearing this title are usually sarcastic, satiric and just funny.
    Keep writing Lenny

  • Chess Estelle
    March 25, 2020

    Interesting life I must say and you’re only 23. Wait till you join us on this other end at 40. ?. In part 2, it’s proven that Indeed birthdays are only for us ladies and just maybe short men as all your birthday dramas prove. All articles with this title are usually sarcastic, satiric and just funny.
    Keep writing Lenny

  • Derrick Ohato
    May 29, 2020

    I am tempted to agree but not that soo close. Birthdays are for all unless you trying to pass a message. Celebrating a birthday is a choice….

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